"...the blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long; you're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid...but you don't know what you're afraid of." Truman Capote, Breakfast At Tiffany's
|Not how I currently look watching Netflix...|
Pinterest tells me "this too will pass" and I know that it will but also that things don't always "move on" or are "got over". That moment when bad news reaches you and the sound and colour are sucked out of the room and then come rushing back and it's all too loud and too bright, that feeling is hard to remember exactly but hard to forget completely. Its easy to wish the sad times away but that little quote also slips through my mind in the happy times too. Those times were I feel my heart beating a little too fast and my feet feel like they're permanently a few centimetres off of the ground. Those times don't last either but its harder to acknowledge that that intense joy is transient. Today's Yoga Camp could not have come at a better time (yes I am behind but that doesn't matter).
I don't have any top tips or any answers, I just know that I want to write and organise my thoughts (or at least try to). This is just rambling but rambling is good and sharing and talking are good but sometimes not sharing is good too because tweets and WhatsApps aren't really real. Life isn't running to a script as much as I'd like some stage directions or to be able to flip ahead to the spoilers (ooh would I really do that...?). Dealing with sadness is part of the price we pay for living in this world, for being alive and it's not something you can run from or chomp or smash or dance through. There's always beauty and light somewhere and walking to work this morning the sky looked so unreal, like a painting, that just as I was raising my phone to take a picture I slipped it back into my pocket because just seeing it was all I needed.
Well, back to Netflix I go. My Hello Kitty plushie looks strangely calm considering the number of times I have looked at her and said "what the actual fuck" out loud as if expecting her to confirm that this word is crazy, it always will be. I think I'm only just properly realising that.
"Now the world's got me dizzy again, you'd think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin."
Bright Eyes, Landlocked Blues